My view

Saturday 18th May, the Eurovision Song Contest is back, this year in the Swedish city of Malmö. The host, Petra Mede was wonderful; her jokes were funny unlike the previous hosts and most of all she was the only presenter. In previous years there have been 3 presenters on stage at the same time and it was literally car crash TV. The whole format of the show was also better this year for example it was more stretched out at the beginning when the Eurovision anthem was being played, each act walked down a bridge with their country’s flag.

The contest itself was also fantastic, the highest standard of music we have seen in a while with some exceptions (Spain). We also witnesses the crazy performances, those being Finland and Romania which are the most memorable contestants this year. 15 acts in we see our lovely Bonnie Tyler, besides the Swedish act she got the biggest cheer of the night so why did those cheers not justify the vote? Some would say Bonnie was out of tune but she was not, that is her style of singing. Check the music video and see for yourself.

The best part of the show in my opinion was the interval act where we saw 3 amazing things what most people missed as they went to the loo. The first amazement we saw was Lynda Woodruff. She is a character on a Swedish sketch show played by a professional singer called Sarah Dawn Finer the Swedish Adele. In her segment we saw her going around Sweden showing Europe culture, traditions and comedy. At the end of the interval act Lynda Woodruff transformed into Sarah Dawn Finer and sang a wonderful song, she is actually very good even though I can’t take her seriously for being Lynda Woodruff. But the spectacle of the whole event must be the utter madness that host Petra did out of the blue. She sang a song called the Swedish smorgasbord which lasted 4 minutes and educated the world about Sweden. During this Petra made a Buck Fizz switch to her skirt as the long blue dress made way for a short one. The song also showed gay marriage that Sweden have no problem with so why do we?

Voting time! Before we even start talking about the votes lets talk about the comical side. There was echoes, time delays and translation issues but we finally got there. The odds on favourite was Denmark 8/11!!! People have the nerve to say that is not a fix, well I call them deluded people who clearly do not understand that the whole show is tactics and they all vote neighbours not good singers, that is only reason Denmark won. As soon as Denmark won rather strangely Petra announced the result before all the countries have voted? Only cock up of the night I feel as nobody cared about other votes. I did not see the rest of the show because I turned my TV off at the anger of the tatical voting, call me Terry Wogan.

Overall, Sweden did a fantastic job at hosting and Petra and Sarah (aka Lynda) did a wonderful job at hosting it. However, as predicted the whole event was let down by countries voting for their friends and not talent. The best singers there were Ukraine, Russia and Iceland. Take it from me I am an expert.

Disney, the most recognized film company in the world, honored for it’s family friendly films, suitable for children to grow up with, but are they? It takes someone very used to the media to see what Disney is doing and who better than me? As some of you know I was behind The Lion King, without me there would be no Lion King, imagine that.

Let’s not go on a tangent though as I am about to prove to you how Disney are exploiting young children to very sexist and homophobic views. The film I am concentrating on most is Beauty and the beast (1991) which damages the mind of young boys the most. You may think I am mad however the antagonist, Gaston is an example of a masculine figure in Disney’s eyes. Gaston is portrayed how a ‘real man’ should be portrayed, he has and I quote “biceps on his biceps” and “hair on every inch of his body”. Disney are basically saying to boys and even men that to be perfect you need hair and biceps on biceps. Gaston is big and strong, has a deep voice and is very attractive. Ok, fair enough there are other male characters in the film but they are all seen as outcasts because they are large or small. The most obvious example is Gaston next to his assistant LeFou. He is seen as an outcast and nothing like the manly Gaston. This leads to young boys becoming emotionally detached.

It isn’t just Beauty and the beast what shows this attitude but Hercules, Aladdin and… well pretty much all of the movies. Below I will do a quick summary of each movie and it’s problem.

Emperor’s new groove (2000)- The protagonist in this movie says that he doesn’t care what the women’s personalities are but only their looks.

Mulan (1997)- A character says that he “doesn’t care what she wears or what she looks like, it all depends what she cooks like”

All Disney movies evolve around a heterosexual relationship between a hero and a heroine. Disney are trying to prove a point here showing boys as they grow up how they should interact with women and homosexual relationships are unheard of. I myself growing up never knew gay people existed until I was 13, this is all because of the media as a whole, not showing any homosexual characters at all, it doesn’t have to be a main character. Furthermore, the message to boys is that women should be objects of pleasure and servants to please them.

The female characters are also seen as dependent and weak. Films such as Cinderella brainwash young girls that if they mimic their behavior, they too will get their prince. Cinderella suggests that women should improve their looks for a man nd lead their life dreaming that they will one day find a man. Women in the media are always the weak ones, warm hearted and caring. Now let me tell you that is not true my wife wears the trousers in my relationship, surly if Disney is right it would be the other way round?

What would happen if Disney and the media moved out of simple stereotypes and shows compassion, care and vulnerability as a part of masculinity? This would be be a huge step as it will show boys who are physically inadequate and emotionally detached that they are still masculine.

Overall, Disney is ‘brainwashing’ young people into believing simple stereotypes like to be masculine you need to have lots of hair and in very good shape, likewise you have to be pretty to be a princess. People are not aware that just by a young child watching this in the media it will teach them these stereotypes and they will grow up with them as they know no better. The only film that is safe to watch is The Lion King as Nala is the dominant one in her and Simba’s relationship.

Lets face it, we might as well, Great Britain are crap at winning medals it is no secret. So when that rare moment comes that we win a silver medal why does it always fall apart?

Britain performed wonderfully but there was no beating China, no surprise there then being as half the world lives in China they will obviously have worlds best athletes. At the end of the competition it seemed the results were 1st- China, 2nd- Japan, 3rd- Great Britain and 4th- Ukraine but on the final performance Japan made a crucial mistake which mad them drop to 5th place. Woo that means we got silver, and vital too as we only had 2 other medals at this point a silver and bronze.

But wait!! Japan, being the annoying people they are were sulking and demanding the judges to look again and change the score! Well by this stage Britain, Ukraine and the USA were shaking in their boots as they would all go down one place in the results if this happened. In case you haven’t guessed by the title of this post they got their way and took the silver medal. Additionally, this meant Ukraine went from bronze to 4th place and USA 4th to 5th!! So that means we got a bloody bronze, lets just hope we get more medals in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime here are some tales about Japan:

• Oh look Japan hit the post in football but they had a word with the referee and he let them have the goal because it was close
• Oh look Japan’s horse rider has finished 10 seconds after the time needed to beat, but they took away 10 seconds as he sneezed along the way
• Oh look Japan has lost in basketball but they had word with referee and let them win because they are 2 inch smaller than other team
• Oh look Japan has lost in rowing but official let them win because it wasn’t fair that the other team had sunglasses on
• Oh look Japan has lost in swimming and came 8th but the official let them win because Japan lost their goggles
• Oh look Japan has lost at boxing but referee let them win because he ate a sandwich before he fought and it wasn’t digested
• Oh look Japan came last in diving but Japan complained because their diver’s trunks were on too tight so it was uncomfortable
• Oh look Japan has lost at womens’ football but the referee let them win after an inquiry that the other team look like men
• Oh look Japan has lost at archery but the official let them win after they found that the weather is much different in UK so disadvantage
• Oh look Japan came last in shooting but after pathetic complaining the official let them win because there are more UK supporters than Japan
• Oh look Japan came last in sailing but the official let them win after they complained that their sail is smaller than the other teams
• Oh look Japan came last in athletics but official let them win after they found that they were in lane 4, the runner’s unlucky number
• Oh look Japan lost at badminton but the referee let them win after they found there was 9 feathers on the ball but usually 10 in Japan
• Oh look Japan lost at beach volleyball but after an inquiry won as the other team had bigger breasts meaning attention was lost from Japan
• Oh look Japan lost at canoeing but won after they complained to the official that they forgot how to play
• Oh look Japan lost at cycling but won after complaining to the flagman that they fell off so it wans’t fair
• Oh look Japan lost at fencing but oh wait they were allowed to win after it turns out the noise in the stadium put Japan off
• Oh look Japan lost at gymnastics but were allowed to win because they are mardy arses #ActuallyHappened
• Oh look Japan lost at handball but were allowed to win after they said they didn’t know they had to play with their hands
• Oh look Japan lost at hockey but after complaining to the referee they were declared winners as the sun was in their eyes
• Oh look Japan lost at judo but were allowed to win after crying because the big man that won broke his nail
• Oh look Japan lost at modern pentathlon but won after complaining that they thought it was old pentathlon
• Oh look Japan lost at table tennis but after arguing with umpire changed to winner after saying the ball wasn’t a realistic size
• Oh look Japan lost at taekwondo but was soon declared winner as they the word taekwondo sounds Japanese
• Oh look Japan lost at tennis but was declared winner after inquiry because it turns out the other player was too ugly
• Oh look Japan has lost at trampolining but was soon changed to winner as they didn’t even know it was an olympic sport

Thursday the 3rd of May 2012, the mayoral elections that saw the country vote for either if they want a elected mayor in the future or who will be the next mayor. First of all is the idea that counties should have the choice whether they elect a mayor. Counties that had that option were Bristol, Nottingham, Manchester, Bradford, Coventry, Birmingham, Leeds, Newcastle, Sheffield and Wakefield. However the governments’ ‘bright idea’ wasn’t so good after all as every single one of those places except Bristol voted, no there is no need for an elected mayor. So what does that tell us apart from mayors are useless much as the process of counting and processing the votes?

So the wonderful man that goes by the name of David Dimbleby said at 6pm on the 4th of May that the results of the London election will be announced at 7pm, so an hours time. Therefore at 7pm I tuned into the TV expecting to see the result of the new London mayor, was it that humiliating Tory Boris Johnson or that lying labour cheat Ken Livingstone? Much to my disapproval Jon Sopel said it may be another hour, fair enough an hour I can cope just as long as it is announced and wrapped up for 8:30 in time for would I lie to you. But wait Jon then said ”we are expecting results at 8:30”. By this point it was everywhere on twitter Boris had won by a narrow gap so why did everyone say so except from the returning officer? By this point I have already contacted the BBC who said they have no idea what is happening. At 8:30 it got pushed to 9:00; at 9:00 it got pushed to 9:30. All this time the BBC was on hold and poor Jon Sopel wouldn’t get off our screen because the results will be announced ‘any second now’.

10:00pm no news yet, Huw Edwards now presenting 10pm news and even that was rushing through things because it was ‘any second’. At 10:30 the interesting part happened. Unbelievably they had lost 2 whole boxes of ballet papers from one constituency, how is that possible? Jon Sopel then crossed back to studio as he knew the results wouldn’t be any time soon. At 11pm in the studio the presenter, Tim Wilcox was doing a newspaper review with a guest. He then said ”Oh my goodness the results will be coming in 7 min”!! The guest exclaimed ”I don’t believe you”, well who would 3 and a half hours late.

Finally at 11:30pm Jon, now looking pissed and was a trending topic on twitter as he was moaning about the delays all the time and looked as if he was going to die any minute! We still had to wait another 20 min though until the candidates came on stage at 11:50. Then the returning officer walked on stage looking depressed and he didn’t even bother to go over the event of a fire alarm going off. He then announced the results and at 12:00am exactly Boris was declared the winner. At this point nobody gave an arse who won we demanded to know why and how that delay happened!!

26 hours after the polling stations were closed the result was in. Boris said ”next time we will do the process by hand to speed things up”. He thanked everyone involved in his campaign and for all who voted. But it wouldn’t be Boris without a cheesy joke which was pre-prepared as it was ”May the 4th be with you” however it was now May the 5th. Ken Livingstone said ”this is my last election” and ”this is the election I most regret losing”. But what an amazing result for the green party who finished 3rd in front of the liberal democrats! I think in the future the 3 main parties will be conservatives, labour and green the liberal democrats will get lost before the 2015 general election. As for Ken he has finished with politics and is going back to gardening.